


I've gotten better at getting better

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Deaf Character, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Crack, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, References to Drugs, Self-Harm, Sign Language, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Sure, they call it a "behavioral institution," but we all know it's a fucking mental hospital."(a story in which unstable teens have to learn to cope with their own problems and feelings, but also learn to trust and care for one another.)





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't as sad of a fic as it seems, it's more like the dreamies wreaking havoc and giving the nurses a run for their money with the occasional angst here and there—also no, there will not be any romanticizing of mental illness because we ain't about that life
> 
> the title is taken from "Mononokay" by Sorority Noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for past child abuse, panic attacks, and a way too casual talk of suicide

"So," Donghyuck starts, a mischevious grin on his face, "What are you in for?" Jaemin elbowing the brunette in the ribs without a moment's hesitation, Jeno looking up from picking at his oatmeal with wide eyes, reminding Jaemin an awful lot of a deer caught in headlights.

"M-Me?" He asks, clearly not expecting the question, his palms beginning to sweat at being so suddenly thrust into the spotlight.

"Who else newbie?" Donghyuck taking a long sip of his orange juice, the only drink from both the soda and juice machines that he would actually drink, "Now answer the question, I'm already growing tired of you."

"Donghyuck!" Jaemin scolds, "Don't be a dick!" Donghyuck simply rolling his eyes as Jeno could only watch, the day shift nurses shooting each other looks as they too take notice of the two's boisterous bickering, but ultimately dismiss it, their attention returning back to their phones. Jeno swallowing down his anxieties as he clears his throat, licking at his lips nervously, his heart beating a mile per minute.

"I tried to kill myself," He squeaks out, voice cracking from nerves, Jaemin and Donghyuck falling silent at the unexpected answer to their question, because, well, damn, the kid didn't look like he had it in him.

"How?" Donghyuck asks, eyes sparkling with curiosity, his yet again uncalled for question earning him yet another elbow to the gut from Jaemin.

"I, I uh," Jeno's face burning, Jaemin mouthing him a _"you don't have to answer him" _when he starts to fidget in his seat. "I slit my wrists," But before Donghyuck can ask the next inevitable question, Jeno's already rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, the two other boys collectively gasping at the sight before them. The pale skin of the blonde's inner forearm puckered, stitch after stitch running from the crook of his elbow up to his wrist, the wound still slightly yellowed from being rubbed down with iodine.

"Jesus Christ man, you must've really wanted to die," Donghyuck whistles, though this time he manages to dodge Jaemin's punch—much to the pinkette's chagrin. "I haven't seen anyone that serious since Nana's _special _little friend." Donghyuck's words having Jaemin's expression falling, the boy's hamster-like nibbling at his biscuit coming to a halt, his welcoming aura darkening at the drop of a hat.

"Shut up Hyuck," He mutters under his breath, his voice steadily growing louder and louder as the anger trapped within him beginning to stir, "Just shut the fuck up for once in your pathetic life!" Fists clenched tight, his jaw set, gaze steely. 

"Make me!" Donghyuck spits back, pushing his chair out from underneath the table with a screeching sound, Jaemin copying his action, eyes narrowed as Donghyuck simply sneered, silently taunting the younger patient.

The rest of the cafeteria not even batting an eyelash at the unfolding scene in front of them, poor Jeno curling in on himself as once again the memories come flooding back to him. The blonde finding it hard to breathe as raw panic wrapped itself around his already bruised lungs and squeezed, tears burning his eyes as it became harder and harder to distinguish which shouts were real and which were nothing but echoey reminders of a past he'd never forgotten.

_"Don't speak unless spoken to, don't speak unless spoken to, don't speak-"_

”Jeno?” Jaemin asks, his staring contest with Donghyuck coming to an abrupt halt when he hears the blonde whine, Donghyuck’s eyes widening when he sees blood start to seep through Jeno’s sleeves, the boy obviously having messed with his stitches—_stitches that Jeno wished he hadn't have gotten, because why bother in "saving" a life like his? Why?_

"Fuck, go get a nurse," The two boys snapping out of their mini spat just like that, though the staff is already on it. Sicheng ushering the rest of the patients back to the dayroom while Yuta phones for backup, Jeno whimpering as phantom limbs deliver kick after kick to his beaten body, strong hands forcibly grabbing ahold of his wrists when he yet again starts to mess with the stitches resting there. Jaemin and Donghyuck never once looking away from the spiraling boy, even as they're forced out of the cafeteria, Doyoung having to shove them along, both boys too caught up in their guilt to cooperate. Something Johnny (one of the unit's psychiatrists) makes a mental note of as he and Taeyong (the unit's med nurse) shot Taeil—a night shift nurse who was known for both a; leaving late, and b; having a mysterious calming effect on notoriously difficult/distressed patients—a tight-lipped smile.

"Shhh, it's okay," The same nurse (who Jeno later finds out is named Doyoung) who'd steered Donghyuck and Jaemin away murmurs, "You're okay Jeno-ah," Taeil crouching down beside the boy's chair, knowing better than to initiate any sort of physical contact with him, as it would probably only set him off more. "You're safe now, we won't let anyone hurt you,"

"P-Please stop," Jeno pleads through his sniffles, his head spinning now, his chest rising and falling rapidly in jerky movements that had both Doyoung and Taeil wincing. "I-I'll be good, I p-promise,"

"Taeil, we _have_ to get him to breathe!"

"I know, I know!" The older man replies, his voice laden with the slightest smidgen of panic, "Jeno-ah, we're gonna need to you breathe. Can you do that for us?" Jeno nodding weakly at his words, "Good, focus on my-"

_It hurts, god does it hurt._

_\--- _

_Jeno whimpers, biting down on his hand to muffle any further cries, the sound of his father stomping up their already rickety staircase igniting a very real and very justified fear in his heart, the boy folding his bruise riddled body up under the nearest bed. His eyes squeezed shut in some sort of desperate attempt to keep from sneezing when dust bunnies tickle at his nose._

_"Jeno-ah~" His father's voice singsongs, "Come on out Jeno-ah~" Jeno waiting with bated breath with as he hears his father's footsteps round the corner, swallowing down the bile that'd crept back up his throat with a shudder, it taking everything in his power not to cry out when he hears his door being flung open. "I've missed you Jeno-ah," His father muttering a string of curses when he gets no reply, rummaging around in Jeno's closet before moving to the boy's bookcase, flinging his books to the floor with a loud crash. “Haven’t you missed me too?”_

_"Why you ungrateful little shit!" His father roars, the deafening silence that he’d been met with obviously not the answer he’d been looking for, Jeno trembling so violently now that he's certain the bed is shaking with the force, "Come out come out wherever you are~" His father no doubt wearing that crazed grin of his, the pungent smell of stale cigarettes and cheap alcohol clinging to his beefy body._

_"I'm giving you to the count of five or else I'll lay a hand on my stupid whore of a daughter that you love so much," Jeno's blood running cold upon hearing those words, his father knowing exactly how to hit all the right buttons, Jeno's body moving on instinct now that his sister was involved in his mistakes._

_"Ah, I knew you'd come out to play eventually," His father's lips curling up into an almost welcoming smile, "But I'm afraid you're too late-"_

\---

"Hey, Nana," Donghyuck nudging the pinkette's socked foot with his own, Jaemin looking up from his coloring sheet with an annoyed frown, clearly pissed that the silence had been broken. "Look." Jaemin's eyebrows furrowing as he follows the brunette's finger, the new name on the whiteboard hanging in the nurse's station making his frown only deepen.

_"Great, another girl on the unit."_

"So?" He mutters, "It's just a new patient Hyuck, nothing special." Donghyuck whining as Jaemin sorts through the bucket of markers for a yellow, his Winnie the Pooh the only character that he'd yet to have filled in.

"You're no fun Nana!" The older boy pouts, "Aren't you curious as to why they're coming?" Jaemin humming as he uncaps the marker, either having not heard Donghyuck the first time or either simply ignoring him, though knowing him, the latter was the more likely of the two.

"Nana!"

"Geez, I heard you the first time dummy," Jaemin's lips pursed as he signed his first name on his now finished piece, not wanting Nurse Doyoung to fuss at him again for also signing his last name, the bluenette having gone on a spiel about "patient confidentiality" the last time Jaemin had done so. "And no, I'm not."

"Well I bet they're coming in for a suicide attempt," Donghyuck now the one to be ignoring the other's words, "Oh! We haven't had any druggies after Sanha was released, so maybe we'll get another one of those-"

"Yeah well _they're_ clearly a _girl!" _Jaemin interrupts, "What are you? Illiterate?!" Senseless rage once again starting to fester within him, Jaemin pulling on a strand of dyed hair as he fights to remain in control, his teeth gritted as he breathed in through his nose, exhaling slowly.

"Boys!" Taeyong calls, putting his one-on-one chat with Yeji on pause, the thin girl watching them with wide eyes, "Inside voices please!"

"Sorry, Taeyongie~" They chime in unison, the redhead sighing deeply before resuming his talk. Jaemin flashing Yeji an apologetic smile that has her blushing, Donghyuck rolling his eyes at his friend's uncanny ability to make just about every single girl on the unit swoon. (And no, he _isn't_ jealous thank you very much.)

"But just so you know, _no_, I'm not illiterate!" Donghyuck just has to clarify, his overinflated ego making it so he had to have the last laugh, "I didn't know that Renxiang was a girl's name!"

"Well it_ is_," Jaemin huffs, "And now that you know that, can you please just hush? Some of us are trying to work here-"

_"My name is Renjun! God, when will you fucktards get that through your heads?!"_

(Huh, so maybe Donghyuck _wasn't_ a complete basketcase after all.)


	2. 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for transphobia, fat-shaming, calorie counting, and the gradual beginnings of anorexia  


_"You're too fat Renxiang, you can't be the princess!" Renjun's face falling at his classmate's comment, the other little girls—skinny little girls—laughing as he feels his eyes start to water, hands clenched into tight fists at his side, fingernails digging into the soft flesh of his palm._

_"Princesses are dainty," Another girl points out, her petite frame and pretty face evoking a deep sense of jealousy Renjun never knew he possessed. "Your tummy sticks out!" Renjun sniffling at her cruel but true words, the tears that had welled up in his eyes now rolling down his chubby cheeks, dripping down his chin and onto his shirt, which he just now notices is tight against his rounded belly._

_"Ariel and Snow White don’t have tummies that stick out, they have curves and a tiny waist! And what do you have Renxiangie, hm?" _

_"I’ll bet that she weighs over fifty pounds already!" Someone snickering at the remark, scoffing in an over-exaggerated and crude fashion. _

_"Are you kidding me?! She's probably over seventy-"_

_"Leave Renxiang alone!" Yiren_—_sweet and loving Yiren_—_interrupts them, her face scrunched unhappily, pushing past the crowd of girls that had formed a circle around Renjun, grabbing his hand in her own, shooting him a small smile before turning back to the others with a glare that could kill. "She's not fat! She's just fine as she is, you're the ones who are being "ugly" here!"_

_"Pfft! Have you even looked at her-"_

\---

"-jun? Renjun? Earth to Renjun?" Donghyuck waving a hand in front of the boy's face, Renjun blinking a few times before a scowl overtakes his slightly haunting features, his cheekbones too sharp, his skin pallid and dry from what had to be lack of proper nutrition.

"What?" He snaps, his tone annoyed, "What is it now Daesung?" Donghyuck whining at how Renjun had forgotten his name for the fourth consecutive time since the two officially met, Jaemin snorting from where he's sat up near the nurse's station, Jeno and Jongho splayed out on their stomachs as they played a game of Candy Land, Doyoung and Yuta playing Uno with Sookyung and Soobin while Taeyong handles a fussing Yeji—_it’s just another day on the unit folks!_

"My name is Donghyuck!" The brunette pouts, lower lip jutting out, "But uh, can I ask you a question?" This catching both Jeno and Jaemin's attention, as the Donghyuck they knew had zero regards for personal space let alone asking permission for something, the boy usually just blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"Depends," Renjun answers in a hum, boney fingers wrapping themselves around his fragile-looking wrist out of habit, starting with his thumb to his index, middle, ring finger, and lastly his pinky. The almost skeletal digits overlapping and then some.

"It's about your name-" Renjun cutting Donghyuck off with a hiss, the most chattery of patients falling silent at the warning, Doyoung looking up from his deck of cards with an unreadable expression, not wanting to have any drama if he so could prevent it.

"My name is _Renjun,_" Challenging Donghyuck, daring the bright-eyed boy to say something, _anything. _"And yes, I do _know_ that Renxiang is a _girl's_ name. Thing is, I am _not_ a girl nor do I go by a_ girl’s_ name—okay?"

"Okay, uh Renjun," Donghyuck squeaks, "I'm-"

"Lunch is in five," Sicheng calls out from behind the nurse's station, Jeno noticing how Renjun's face falls at the prospect of having to eat, "Ladies, go wash up," The customary rule of having the girls do everything before the boys one that Donghyuck found unfair, but he doesn't complain out of fear of being put on unit restriction. (Not like that would actually happen for something so small, but he still feared it nonetheless.)

"Okay!"

\---

_"Mama," Renjun asks, picking at a hangnail, the ride home from the doctor having been silent up until now, "Do," He pauses, licking at his lips nervously, "Do you think I would be happier if I lost weight?" His question hanging awkwardly in the air as he tries his hardest not to fidget._

_"I don't know if you'll be happier," Mrs. Huang finally answers, "But you'll definitely be prettier." His mother's words sending his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach, his oh so fat stomach. Renjun looking anywhere but at her thin frame as the silence between them returns, the sensation of his thighs straining against their confinements suddenly the only thing he can focus on, his weight quite literally weighing heavy on his mind._

_"Oh," Is all he can say, "Okay-"_

_"Why?" _

_"Wha-"_

_"Do you want to lose weight?" She asks, "I mean, why else would you be asking me?" Renjun cursing himself for practically inviting himself into this conversation, a conversation he doesn't want to be having with his mother or with anyone else for that matter._

_"N-No," He stutters, "I don't want to lose weight, I was only asking-"_

_"That's a shame," Renjun visibly deflating at her words, "Because you're certainly not getting any prettier as you are now."  
_

\---

"Remember, no sharing of food—okay?" Doyoung going over the cafeteria lunch rules as they lined up, Donghyuck getting plastic cutlery for himself, Jeno, Jaemin, and now Renjun. "If you don't like something, then simply don't eat it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy." The girls on the unit giggling at Nurse Doyoung's silly comment while the boys all cringed.

"God, what does Jaehyunnie see in him?" Jaemin murmurs under his breath as Yeji flashes him a small smile, which he, _of course_, returns in tenfold, as it was rare to see her having a semi-good day for once. The girl motioning for him to cut ahead of her in the line, something that he only accepts when he sees that Jeno and Donghyuck are already seated at their usual table, Yeji's ears going pink when Jaemin winks at her in thanks.

Renjun's lips pursed in disdain as he watches the pinkette point at the various foods he wants, foods Renjun just knows are pumped full of calories, grease, and sugar. Foods that are set on making anyone who dares to consume them fat, which is something Renjun would rather die than be labeled as again. _(Though that's a lost cause, because while you can lose the weight, you can never, and I mean never, shed the title of a former fat kid.)_

The slim boy calculating up the calories habitually now, Renjun so used to doing it that he could no longer_ not_ do it.

_A serving of white rice is around two hundred calories, beef bulgogi is three hundred and fifty, lychee jelly is exactly a hundred, a cup of sprite is a hundred and forty calories-_

"Renjun hurry up!" Jaemin calls from over by the soda machines, filling his glass to the brim with fruit punch, Donghyuck yelling across the cafeteria for him to grab some napkins, Taeyong scolding him almost immediately for not using his "inside voice."

"Sorry, Jaemin-ah," He responds, giving the cafeteria lady his sweetest smile as he explains that he'll have the same as Jaemin did, which is way too caloric in his opinion, but it's not like he'll actually be eating it so he figures it's fine. "I'm coming!"

\---

_Renjun's always despised the scale, its digital numbers having ruled his life for as long as he could remember. Determining his worth, his self-confidence, if today he'd allow himself to eat normally or not, etc...._

_But as he steps off his mother's scale today, he feels like he's punched in the gut, those glaringly red digits staring up at him, mocking him even._

_70kg, a whopping 70kg is how much Huang Renjun weighs. His eyes growing wide as he reads the number, stepping on and off again just in case, but the number never budges. Renjun hiding the scale back in the very corner of his mom's closet as he does his hardest not to wake her up, slipping out of her room and back into the comforts of his own, exhaling a breath he wasn't even aware that he was holding. His fingers digging into the soft flesh of his thighs as he stalks up to the vanity mirror he's always despised, the words of his classmates from oh so long ago ringing in his ears._

_"You really are too fat to be a princess Renxiang."_

\---

"You gonna eat that?" Jeno pointing to Renjun's untouched jelly cup, his words coming out in a whisper so that Doyoung wouldn't hear, the nurse's nonstop nagging annoying to both the patients and the other staff on the unit.

"Knock yourself out," He replies softly, listlessly picking at his rice, Donghyuck and Jaemin too busy licking their plates clean to protest.

"Thanks dude!" Jeno smiling so widely that Renjun vaguely wonders whether or not that it hurts. "But you better eat something or else Taeyongie will throw a hissy," Renjun feeling his eye twitch at the suggestion because no way in hell was another patient in the fucking loony bin going to tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing.

"Thanks but no thanks," His voice dripping with something Jeno can't quite put a name to, "I'm not too hungry today, but I'll make sure to make up for it at breakfast tomorrow." 

"You sure?"

"Yes Jeno-ah, I am." Renjun mixing his meal about so that it looked like he'd actually a decent amount of food, "Now hurry up and eat the goddamn jelly before Doyoung has a chance to see and piss his pants."

\---

_"It's just a number, it's just a number." Renjun mentally preparing himself as he tugs off his clothes, eyes screwing shut as he wiggles out of his binder, tossing it aside as he focuses his gaze on the scale in front of him. _

_Though deep down Renjun knows that that's not the case, he knows this deadly disease has already consumed whatever rationality of his remained. He knows he's fighting against a force that's a thousand times stronger than he, he knows. Yet he just doesn't care. He doesn't care if this ends up killing him, he really fucking doesn't._

\---

"Taeyong tells me you didn't eat," Doyoung pulling him aside once they're back on the unit, "Is that true?" Renjun meeting the nurse's stern gaze with one that rivals the older's own, his arms crossed over his chest, lips pulled into a frown. 

"No?" Renjun doing an internal victory dance when Doyoung breaks eye contact first, "I ate."

"Really?" Doyoung not at all buying his bullshit, "Did you really?"

"Yes."

_Fucking liar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that was 1/2 of renjun's backstory....yeah, there's more on him lol
> 
> feedback + kudos are very much appreciated! (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿


	3. 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for implied purging, and i guess just a general tw for bulimia in itself?

"Hey, hyung," Renjun's footsteps so quiet that Doyoung doesn't notice the tiny boy's presence until he's practically right beside him, "Can you unlock the bathroom for me?" The nurse glancing down at his watch before he shakes his head, Renjun's face contorting into a scowl, the sound of Jeno and Jaemin's hysterical laughter ever so effectively drowning out the profanities that Doyoung knows Renjun's uttered under his breath.

"Why not?" He grumbles, "I really gotta pee Doie," Doyoung's nose crinkling at the nickname, which of course was probably the exact reaction that Renjun was looking for.

”You know why.” Doyoung says sternly, lips pressed into a thin line, “No one can use the bathroom until it’s been an hour since lunch has passed.” Taeyong listening in on the conversation from where he's seated next to Yeji, who had just finished up her midday phone call and had regressed into a nonverbal state due to reasons the nurse can only have his suspicions about.

”That’s dumb,” Renjun sulks, “It’s not like anyone on the unit is _that_ kind of crazy.” Taeyong sucking in a sharp breath at Renjun's words, discomfort pooling low in his gut, tuning out whatever Doyoung had replied with, the patient's unintentional jab echoing in his mind, whispered over and over again like some sort of prayer.

_"It’s not like anyone on the unit is that kind of crazy.”_

\---

_Were," Taeyong pausing to draw in a shaky breath, his tongue swiping out to lick away the dried blood that lingered on his lips, "Were you ever going to tell me?" The deafening silence that stretches between him and the younger boy wordlessly answering his question, Mark not quite meeting his eyes as he does a sort of half-shrug, the redness to his knuckles making the older's heart ache._

_"Maybe?" Mark weakly mutters, "Shit, I don't know," Voice cracking, which reminds Taeyong of just how young the Canadian actually is, Mark being just barely seventeen now, his cheeks having only just recently lost their baby fat. Cheeks that are now flushed and have fat, salty tears rolling down them, Mark hiccuping pitifully as he brought a hand to his mouth, biting down in a fruitless attempt to keep his tough-guy persona from crumbling any further. _

_"Oh Mark," Taeyong's heart as good as shattered when he sees the boy who he considers family on the verge of completely breaking down, his "motherly" instincts—as Johnny ever so affectionately liked to call them—kicking in almost immediately. "I'm not mad Markie, please don't cry," Taeyong pulling the younger into his arms without a moment's hesitation, which was all it took for Mark to let out a loud wail, tears falling even harder now, his carefully built walls finally come crashing down._

** **

_ “I-I’m so sorry hyung!” Mark manages in between each heart-wrenching sniffle, “I d-didn't mean to keep on d-doing it, I sw-swear!" Taeyong's own eyes growing watery at Mark's tearful confession, his hands entangled in the soft fabric of Mark's hoodie, holding on tightly as if he fears the boy will slip between his fingers least he's not careful enough. _

_ "Shh," He murmurs, "It's okay Mark, it's okay." Taeyong's words not only meant for Mark, but for himself as well. "You'll be okay, we'll get through this together—I promise." _

\---

"Looks like Xuxi's coming back," Johnny sighs, running a hand through his hair, just having gotten off the phone with ER's head psychiatrist, who'd explained the situation in full. "So that means two new patients on the unit then—guess we gotta get ready for an even fuller house now, huh."

"It's a pity he's back-" Yuta remarks, only to pause, his nose wrinkling in confusion, "Wait, two? Who's the other p-"

"Lee Minhyung," Taeyong's voice causing them both to jump, the nurse having practically materialized out of thin air, the redhead frowning slightly, "Making this the first time in a while that we've had a bulimic on the unit again, eh?"

\---

_"T-Taeyong?" Mark's breathing labored, beads of sweat rolling down his temple, his whole body shaking as black spots danced across his vision. "I, uh, I did something really bad hyung. Like really, really bad." Taeyong feeling the color drain from his face at the younger's words, the hair on the back of his neck prickling, goosebumps popping up on his skin._

_"Are you okay Mark? Do I need to call an ambulance? Mom? Dad?" Rattling off a bunch of options in hopes Mark will throw away that stupid, stupid pride of his and ask for the help he so obviously needs. "Mark, please-"_

_"I'll be okay hyung," Mark is quick to assure, though the way that his heart is beating oh so frantically suggests otherwise. "I probably just scraped my mouth, the blood's probably coming from there-"_

_"Blood?!" Mark cursing under his breath for accidentally letting something that could easily be taken the wrong way slip past his lips, "You're bleeding?!"_

_"Y-Yeah?" He replies with a shrug he forgets that the older can't see, "But it's nothing to worry about 'Yongie, I'm okay-"_

_"Bullshit you're okay!" Taeyong snaps, which has Mark flinching, "Throwing up blood isn't something to ignore Mark! It could potentially be fatal!" His words having the blonde freeze up, his hand clenching around the phone as fear paralyzed him, his already wobbly legs growing even more unsteady, Mark stumbling over to the sink, his mind racing a mile per minute._

_"Mark?" Taeyong calls out when he doesn't receive a reply, "Mark are you okay?! Mark-"_

_Mark hangs up in a wave of white hot anger._

\---

"Dinner time kids!" Doyoung exclaims, Donghyuck setting his journal down as he hops up from his chair, Jaemin hot on his heels while Renjun simply looks fed up. _(Which he probably is to be honest.) _The boys finishing washing up just as Yuta and Sicheng start to usher the girls out, Donghyuck quick to break into a sprint that only serves to earn him a lecture on safety, Jaemin smirking smugly as Taeyong proceeds to chew him out. Renjun's arms folded across his chest as he begrudgingly trudges down the hallway and into the cafeteria, mumbling angrily to himself the whole way there.

"I swear to god I will stright up murder a man if we’re having hamburgers and fries again," The Chinese boy mutters, and whatever diety is out there must be on his side today because to his relief, it's not the ever so fatty hamburgers and fries his fellow "innmates" liked to eat. Donghyuck pouting when he sees that they’re having bibimbap along with the regular rice and kimchi, though his face brightens when he notices the mango pudding for dessert. Jaemin cutting in front of the brunette when Donghyuck fails to move up in line, Jeno giggling softly at the awestruck expression that’s still plastered on Donghyuck’s face, Renjun huffing as he grabs his tray and utensils.

"Nana!" Donghyuck whines when he snaps out of his dessert induced daze, "That’s not fair!" The pinkette sticking his tongue out at the older boy's unnecessary complaining, the two like oil and water at times, or at least that's the conclusion Renjun's come to anyways.

"I can't with you two," Though Jeno's eyes hold a fondness to them that Renjun simply can't fathom the reason for, "But seriously, just shut up and eat your food because Taeyong's looking at us weirdly again."

"Okay _Mom__,_" They say in unison, Renjun turning his nose up as he picks listlessly at his kimchi, reluctantly swallowing a few bites when he feels the staff's eyes on him, anger flaring up under his skin when he sees Doyoung whisper something to Taeyong, the redhead jotting something down in what Renjun assumes is _his _file.

"Shut up!"

\---

_"You told them?!" Mark's voice cracking, his words dripping with hurt, Taeyong's "betrayal" obviously the ultimate breach of trust, which the older understands. "You promised you wouldn't tell them!"_

_"Well what else was I supposed to do?! Let you continue with this dangerous behavior?! To let you fucking die?!" And Mark knows this must be more serious than he'd originally thought, because up until today, well, he'd never heard Taeyong swear._

_"I-"_

_"Don't you dare say that this isn't something for me to worry about!" He shouts, Mark's eyes widening as he tries his hardest not to flinch, "Don't you fucking dare!"_ _ Taeyong's cheeks growing damp, "I love you so fucking much and I refuse to stand by and let you d-do this to yourself any longer!"_

_"I'm sorry! But what else am I supposed to do-"_

_"I'm getting you help Mark—Mom, Dad, and I are going to get you help."_

\---

"Who the hell are you?" Doyoung resisting the very, very tempting urge to slam his head into the nearest wall when Donghyuck runs up to their newest patient, the blonde still donning his blue scrubs, timidly clutching a hospital given blanket to his chest.

"Donghyuck!" Taeyong scolds, Renjun snickering behind his palm, "Apologize this instant!" Jeno smiling at the new boy shyly, causing him to blush, which has poor Jaemin internally freaking out, his little gay heart skipping a beat.

"I'm sorry," Not at all sounding sorry, "But for realsies, just who the hell are you?"

"That's it, go to your room." Doyoung already fishing out the keys needed to unlock Donghyuck and Jaemin's shared room, "Normally I'd send you to the quiet room, but Yukhei's occupying it at the moment."

"Xuxi's back?!" Sookyung actually speaking voluntarily for the first time since being admitted, "Already?!"

"Wait, who's this_ Xuxi_ that Little Miss "I have Daddy issues" is talking about?"

"Doyoung, would you please escort Hyuck to his room? Taeyong sighs exasperatedly, but Sookyung isn't offended, Donghyuck does have a point there. 

"Right away hyung," Doyoung motioning for Donghyuck to follow him, which the brunette does, not wanting to piss off the nurses any further, but before he turns the corner to the hallway that has his room, he looks back, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Promise you'll tell me your name at breakfast tomorrow? You're way too pretty for me _not _to know your name!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone experiences eating disorders differently, but mark's is primarily fueled by not being able to deal with what he calls "negative" emotions—i say "negative" bc in my opinion, no emotion is inherently "good" or "bad"  
thus mark purges them, in both a literal and figurative sense
> 
> also uh, ngl, i live for comments

**Author's Note:**

> what if.. you were to..  
maybe leave..  
a comment 😣👉👈  
haha just  
kidding.. unless..?


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